TTC: Trying To Conceive

This is not something I thought I’d talk about. Not until the BIG DAY where I can make a BIG ANNOUNCEMENT! But, that day may be soon, or far away. I don’t know what my future holds. I’m staying positive, but I’m also terrified. I’ve never had a regular cycle, even on birth control. We’ve only been trying since November (not consistently like we should have been), and I’m not upset that I’m not pregnant yet. I know it takes time, and as much as I want to be believe it will be easy, I’m so scared it will be a rough journey.

Baby, baby, baby. All I think about. Hours spent on Pinterest planning a gender reveal, baby shower, nursery. For a little peanut that isn’t even in my belly yet (not that I know of anyway). I started a baby journal today. I wrote a letter to our future pack member about how much we want him/her. How hard we’re working to prepare. All of this is keeping me excited an positive.

I have my preconception appointment in a couple hours. I hope it brings good news and all the information I need about conceiving, pregnancy, etc. I’m going in with a positive outlook. I want everything to be okay. I want my OBGYN to tell me I’m damn good and healthy. I want a baby. Oh so badly I want a baby.

He or she will be our only child through pregnancy (unless I have twins. Huge possibility!), and hopefully some years down the line, we can welcome another family member into our home through adoption. I’ve wanted to adopt my whole life. I can’t stand the thought of children in the foster care (care? there is no real care) system. They need love, my love. I can give them so much love, show them what it’s like to be part of a family. Sorry…kind of getting off track on that one.

I’m going to share the first letter I wrote to my hopefully future, no, absolutely future mini me.


Dear Baby,

I’m going to the Dr. today for my preconception appointment. That means you’re not in my belly yet, but mommy and daddy want you to be! You’re all I’ve been able to think about these last few months. I want you so badly! Mommy and Daddy have been working hard to prepare for you. Bills are almost paid, the house is getting some much needed makeovers. We’re ready for you to complete our family of five (Daddy, Mommy, Yana, and Pal). I know your grandparents are anxious to know you as well. You’ll be the 7th grandbaby for Grandma Cindy, and the 1st for Grandma and Grandpa Ells. You have so many cousins, aunts and uncles that will love you! I can’t wait for you to be here. Please hurry!




I hope I can fill these pages with pregnancy symptoms, a little + sign, food cravings, giving birth, and most of all…love. All I want is for baby to know that he/she was made from love. So much love ❤



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