Coastal Dreams & Pine Tree Seas

I never thought I’d say “I’m a coastal girl”. I always thought it was cliché to want to live by the beach, but I was so wrong. I get the fascination now. I’ve been to the beaches in California, and they were nice, but I didn’t care to be there. Then Oregon happened.

In my last post, I talked about Oregon being where I belonged even though I had never been there. I’ve always had a fascination with Oregon just by what Alpha told me about him growing up there. Still, I never wanted to move coastal. I wanted to be in Central Oregon, 3-4 hours away from any beaches. Oh boy am I dumb. While Central Oregon is also beautiful, it didn’t satisfy the burn in my soul for what I though Oregon was.

The last full day of our trip, we headed to the Newport, where we had booked an adorable motel room right on the beach. My life changed that day. Everything changed that day. I sat on the railing outside our motel room window and just couldn’t stop staring at the beauty. I didn’t even mind that it smelled like fish. Alpha and I walked down the steps right to the beach. I had never felt the freeing happiness that I did in that moment. The cool sand on my feet, the crispy breeze, the freezing cold ocean, and to the right of me the pine trees I have a deep love for. Everything was perfect.

I had the love of my life standing next to me in this place that felt like home. I’ve lived in this little Utah bubble my whole life, and have grown fond of the big rocky mountains, but nothing in Utah has ever felt like home compared to this new and intriguing place. I felt like myself. My anxiety vanished and I was who I’ve always wanted to be.

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Alpha took this photo of me during these moments. I posted it, and all the comments from my friends and loved ones made my heart melt, because they too could see my happiness. Many have told me it’s their favorite photo of me. It’s something I will cherish forever.

I’ve been home from our trip for a few days now. Seeing my wolf pups made me incredibly happy, but my heart has ached every day. I’ve cried, I’ve lost my appetite, I haven’t slept well. I think when you felt something so deeply, leaving that feeling behind can take a toll on your soul. My heart isn’t the same. Don’t get me wrong, I love Utah. I love all the people in my life here, and I love the memories and experiences I’ve had. But Alpha and I so badly want to move to the coast now. I have so much hope and so much doubt all at once. I know we can make it happen, but I don’t know when or what will need to change in order to do that. What I do know, is that it will happen, and soon. I’m going to continue to hang onto that.

Until then, I will be dreaming of the foggy coastal air, the tasty seafood, the ships on the harbor, and the sea of pines.

Don’t stop dreaming.

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